Just Say the Word: Don't underestimate a word's power

          

  It’s funny how much controversy can be brought up just by saying, or not saying, one little word. Is any word really so important? Could a word change anything or make any difference in events of a hundred years ago?

            The first time I heard the word Armenian we were at the table and I didn’t want to eat my vegetables. My father said, “Think of the starving Armenians!” and when I asked, “What’s an Armenian?” he shocked me by responding, “We are.”

            Over time I’ve learned that being tied to the word Armenian (our name used to be Khachigian but became Catchick in America) means many different things. For one, I was connected to a rich cultural heritage in that tiny country to the east of Turkey. It also meant I am part of the Diaspora of Armenians living here in America, on the East Coast, in the Detroit area and in L.A. Most of all, it meant the entrance of that other oh-so-controversial word into my way of thinking: for we Armenians are survivors of genocide.

            Before you can even finish typing the word Armenian into the Google search bar, it prompts you with that other word, genocide. This word has become a part of being an Armenian, as much as we associate Holocaust with the Jews. The Armenian genocide occurred during World War I when over a million and a half Armenians were rounded up by the Ottoman Turks and marched off to die.

This Friday, April 24^th, marks the 100-year anniversary of these events, and just last week Pope Francis called what happened to the Armenians the first genocide of the 20^th century. His use of this word has caused controversy with Turkey, as that country, its leaders and others, including our own president, will not use the word genocide to describe these events, despite so many survivors’ reports.

Which brings us back to the original question, is just saying a word really so important? Nothing can change what happened 100 years ago or bring back the lives that were lost. Most of the people with first hand knowledge of this tragedy are dead now. So what does putting this label on those events do to change anything for those of us who are already one or two generations removed?

But there is importance in it. Saying the word, demands full recognition of what was done in the name of Muslim-Christian disputes and desire for land. Saying the word acknowledges the full extent of the atrocities that took the lives of unarmed women and children. Saying the word requires that we look back with unflinching stoicism at the truth of the darkness that lies within mankind’s heart.

Pope Francis did not reference the Armenian Genocide of 1915 because it was the only time such things have happened… he called it the first of its kind. Today with ISIS waging war on Christians in the Middle East, and tribal conflicts causing devastation among many countries in Africa, we can surely recognize it is not the last time we have seen such ethnic cleansing.

Now, more than ever, we must look to our histories and learn from the lessons they will provide us.

The poet Dylan Thomas says, “And you, my father, there on the sad height,/ 
Curse, bless, me now with your fierce tears, I pray.
/ Do not go gentle into that good night.
/ Rage, rage against the dying of the light.”

Remembering our dark pasts is indeed both a curse and a blessing. It may seem gentler and more polite to let the dark work genocide slip from our memories of the Armenians. But we cannot let it go. We must rage against the pain of our past with every word we have, for only then can we turn with wide-open eyes to what will be demanded of us to prevent such cruelty in the future.

published in The Cheboygan Daily Tribune April 25-26 issue

Never tell me the odds...

It's a funny thing about playing the odds, paying attention to statistics, and gambling on a million-to-one prospect in hopes that you will be that one: I believe none of these extremes in itself can show us the right path to take.

We run the risk with any of these extremes of allowing numbers and the actions of a great many others who've come before us to control our destiny. And
despite what anyone says, I do not believe our individual destinies are able to be looked at as a mathematical formula.

Rather, I am reminded of that scene in Jurassic Park when Dr. Ian Malcolm (played by Jeff Goldblum) attempts to explain chaos theory by showing the unpredictability of determining which way a drop of water will roll off a human fist. There are simply too many variables from air, to movement, to surface irregularities, to the size of the drop to make any kind of prediction. Life is just like that. All the odds and statistics in the world will still mean nothing when that next drop is placed and follows its own unique set of circumstances to the right, left, front or back.

Yet time and again I see my students in their senior year trying to work out the formula as they face the wide open future before them. They look at numbers because they believe these hold safety for them. They consider what schools will offer them the most money, what the rankings of schools are, which career path is listed as "up and coming", what the average test scores of freshman are, and how much the median salary of those employed in various fields is now and is predicted to be in the future. They look at numbers and statistics, working out the magic formula which will lead them to = success.

Are they wrong to do so? Not at all. I often provide, post and encourage my students to consider these numbers and statistics as they are looking at their future path. I am certainly not so naive as to say that these numbers don't matter and aren't part of helping them determine their path. They certainly are and should be. My concern is when decisions are made on an equation built of these numbers alone.

Just as each drop of water will find its own way, through its own unique circumstances, each student too is unique and what is right for one, or forty-one, or a hundred and forty-one students who went before them does not guarantee it will be right for this one. There are other variables which must be considered as we chart our path into the future, and they are much more difficult to "nail down" in a report or with a number. Students must consider which environment will allow them best to grow and what fields of study appeal not only to the logic of their minds but also the passion of their souls.

These are scarier questions for students to tackle because they require knowing oneself and honesty in the face of many many expectations of others who all have their own opinions on the matter. Here, once again, we face the risks and rewards of letting go of all the expectations and advice of others and forging an individual path onward. The students who go forth after their passion, despite the odds, run the risk of a barrage of "I told you so's" and the insistent pull of self-doubt. They remind me of another movie hero… Han Solo (played by Harrison Ford) from Star Wars who faces not only the doubts and fears of his shipmates when he plans to fly into an asteroid field, but also the ready statistical odds, spouted by the robotic calculations of C3PO who informs him his odds of success are 3,720 to 1.

"Never tell me the odds!" says Han Solo… and perhaps this is advice we all should take to heart. Han is not unaware that the odds are against him. He can see that as plainly as anyone else. But a decision must be made, and in his heart he feels this is the way to go. Talk about taking on a risk! Would it be the right choice every time? For every pilot? Probably not! However there is no time to sit back and weigh every option to the nth degree. There comes a time when a decision must be made and the very best we can hope for is that when that time comes we make a choice with head, heart and confidence all in tow.

As my students go forth this spring to new colleges, programs, cities, jobs, military commitments and destinies, I will never be that robotic voice repeating the odds in their ears. I will hope to instill in them rather the hopefulness expressed by our family's motto: "Go confidently in the direction of your dreams!" ~ Henry David Thoreau.  Their paths may take many twists and turns, stops and starts, but truthfully the confidence to move forward is what is most necessary. For, in the end, the success I wish upon all my students is also not something that will ever be defined by the numbers of salary calculations or advanced degrees or bars and stars on a lapel. The success I wish for them is as different to define for each as the curves and tunnels in the human heart. It is success that for each drop may go right or left, back or forward, and may never even know the extent of its reach, as ripples created by one drop grow outward wider and wider than even the individual can see.

This spring as our students step forward to begin their lives on their own, never tell them the odds. That time has come and gone. Rather applaud and encourage their confidence to go in the direction of their dreams, and believe in their courage and passion. Our optimism for their future is truly the best gift we can give them.

From parent to friend

The toughest thing about being a parent is that long after our children are grown and no longer need "parenting," we are still their parents.

They say the best sign of good parents is to raise a child who no longer needs them, but what does this look like from the parents' perspective? How does it feel to be no longer needed?

Even more to the point: who does a parent become when he or she is still a person's parent, but must no longer do what defines the role, namely, parenting?

The trick is to walk a new path… one where the parent and child -- always a parent and child yet no longer the parent of a child at the same time -- learn to know and accept each other as people.

These two souls have shared so much, yet there is another birth that comes from the recognition of this younger soul as a person in their own right. There is no guarantee they will agree with each other or even like each other, but there is also no way to know unless each tries.

It is this stage in life where liking may be even more important than loving. The bond of love between parent and child is instinctual and instant… the bond of friendship and mutual admiration that comes from truly knowing one another takes time and slow steps. It is a conscious choice made after one looks for connections and builds upon true respect which comes from choice and not simply adherence to the formalities of age.

Nothing will change the connection of love between a parent and child, but the connection of friendship can be something even greater. It is a scary prospect to enter into for both sides as there are no guarantees… perhaps avoiding the possibility of rejection is why so many parents refuse to give up parenting, denying their children a place as real people in their world, and so many children refuse to give up rebelling against and fighting the authority of their parents, afraid to see the adults who raised them as the flesh and blood, flawed beings they are.

It is a different path to walk to accept each other as full people. But in the end, the rewards just may outweigh the risks.