People are finding controversy everywhere from Rudolph to song lyrics this Christmas.This Christmas a lot of people have noticed and seem to have a problem with many of our "beloved classics"... Rudolph The Red Nosed-Reindeer has been battered for promoting bullying, while the lyrics to "Baby, It's Cold Outside" are going through a Facebook dissection that would make any deconstructionist literary critic proud. I am not here to choose a side, defend these classics or vilify them for the controversy and conflict they raise. My response is more akin to what I think most children would say: Well, yeah, duh.
Rudolph is a story about bullying. The song it was based on was about bullying. It has always been about bullying. Cold Outside is also about a conflict... to stay or to go, what she wants, what he wants, what she really wants deep down. In fact every beloved Christmas classic circulates around some conflict. Frosty The Snowman deals with the theft of a magic hat and a child's grief at saying goodbye. A Miracle on 34th Street sheds an ugly light on the way we treat our elderly at times we deem their tales to border on dementia. In It's a Wonderful Life, Violet is so shamed for her flirtatious behavior she becomes a prostitute in George's alternate vision of life. Buddy the Elf is mocked and bullied, Tim Allen's "Scott Calvin" is fat shamed as he becomes the new Santa in The Santa Clause, and little Ralphie Parker from A Christmas Story endures treatment from children and adults alike that could easily be seen as abusive. Are all these to be taken off the air and erased from our children's lives?
What we really have here is an issue with conflict in the holiday season. And yet conflict is not the problem we might think it is. Every story centers around conflict. I should say, every good story; just imagine a co-worker telling you in detail about a perfectly normal, conflict-free day. Yawner. But we all want to hear about the conflicts in people's lives and the drama that ensues. However these days it seems we can't move past the conflicts that assault us on a daily basis in the news and with politics and that seem to be heating up with no end in sight. Is it wrong for parents to want to protect their children from these things and just put on a Christmas show where everyone can be happy?
Well, no, of course it isn't wrong. Parents always want to protect their children and keep them reasonably happy as well. Everything goes more smoothly when the kids are happy. But I would argue that this is EXACTLY why we need to put shows like these in front of our children. What movies and songs (and let's not forget books!) do for our children is allow them to experience these conflicts in a safe way. They work almost as a vaccination does, for we go through the pain and emotions of being bullied, grieving, feeling shamed or abandoned, but in a vicarious way we know isn't real. As when getting a shot, there may be some tears and sadness, but this helps to build up our children as they watch the story play out. We see Rudolph and Hermey and even the toys on the Isle of Misfit Toys win out in the end! Susan gets the home she always dreamed of, George is saved from jail and bankruptcy, Buddy finds a way to fit in at the North Pole, Scott Calvin becomes proud to play the role of Santa he has "grown" into, and even Ralphie Parker finds family warmth in the holidays.
As the writer Tom Crum said, paraphrasing many who've expressed this idea before him, "The quality of our life depends not on whether or not we have conflicts, but on how we respond to them." And this is the real value that comes from children watching these shows full of conflict. Watching how that conflict is overcome. Having conversations with the children and as a family about what they might have done if faced with such a situation. Helping them to know that not everything in this world will not be fair or safe or right -- even adults make some pretty grave errors in these films -- but that there is a way to overcome any of these conflicts and be better for it.
I love that Rudolph is bringing people to conversations about bullying behavior. I love that Cold Outside has sparked conversations and parodies looking with humor and serious concern at issues of consent. I hope even those who are drawn to the first Christmas story will find in its conflict lessons to be learned about the plight of immigrants and the impoverished in our midst today. Christmas has always been about conflict... and the joy, peace and love that come from knowing that in drawing together and opening our hearts to love, we can overcome it all.
