From parent to friend

The toughest thing about being a parent is that long after our children are grown and no longer need "parenting," we are still their parents.

They say the best sign of good parents is to raise a child who no longer needs them, but what does this look like from the parents' perspective? How does it feel to be no longer needed?

Even more to the point: who does a parent become when he or she is still a person's parent, but must no longer do what defines the role, namely, parenting?

The trick is to walk a new path… one where the parent and child -- always a parent and child yet no longer the parent of a child at the same time -- learn to know and accept each other as people.

These two souls have shared so much, yet there is another birth that comes from the recognition of this younger soul as a person in their own right. There is no guarantee they will agree with each other or even like each other, but there is also no way to know unless each tries.

It is this stage in life where liking may be even more important than loving. The bond of love between parent and child is instinctual and instant… the bond of friendship and mutual admiration that comes from truly knowing one another takes time and slow steps. It is a conscious choice made after one looks for connections and builds upon true respect which comes from choice and not simply adherence to the formalities of age.

Nothing will change the connection of love between a parent and child, but the connection of friendship can be something even greater. It is a scary prospect to enter into for both sides as there are no guarantees… perhaps avoiding the possibility of rejection is why so many parents refuse to give up parenting, denying their children a place as real people in their world, and so many children refuse to give up rebelling against and fighting the authority of their parents, afraid to see the adults who raised them as the flesh and blood, flawed beings they are.

It is a different path to walk to accept each other as full people. But in the end, the rewards just may outweigh the risks.